Jen Gaunce – March 2026

Hi Sweet Friends,

Have you ever heard of church-envy? Me neither. I made it up. It’s just the closest words I could find to name a phenomenon I have recognized in myself. If I had to name this blog, I think it would be Confessions of a Pastor’s Wife. The truth is, I struggle with me, whether I’m a pastor’s wife or not. It’s true, Kevin being a pastor puts us in some situations that we may not encounter otherwise. I doubt my flesh would be exposed in exactly the same ways if Kevin was a scuba diver or zookeeper. I never felt led to write Confessions of a Fedex Courier’s Wife the whole time Kevin was in that profession. It really doesn’t matter the profession, it’s feeling responsible for others that tends to choke me at times. And that has to happen in every area of life. Why? Because that is the life of Christ in us as believers. But, how to do it well. We all need some fine-tuning and perspective, and it starts with me.

Being a pastor’s family, we tried not to be gone on Sundays as much as possible. Except for the occasional vacation or trip out of town, we tried to be at our own church on Sundays. Sometimes, we get to attend another church while visiting kids or friends. I have to say that I’m impressed with the churches we have visited. They look like a well-oiled machine. They have paid staff that spend their whole time and energies thinking about and catering to the needs of their local church body, and I’m so thankful that they can. On one church visit, I was struck by how beautiful and put-together everyone looked. Was this the super model church? Lots of young adult people leading and loving Jesus and each other. Wow! I wondered where they kept their old and broken people. I could get used to this. They sacrificed and took mission trips and were considering their futures and how to prepare themselves to serve the Lord in vocation or ministry. It’s the same in most every church I have visited. I look around me at their aesthetically-pleasing atmosphere and think of our humble metal church building back home with a really bad carpet. When we first looked at the building thirteen years ago, I boldly declared I would not go to church in a metal building. After eating my words, I boldly declared that I would serve in any way except make coffee. Coffee-making became my first assignment. I was also the first one to spill a cup of coffee on the ugly carpet in our metal church building on our first Sunday there. Lots of fun.

What’s fun is the churches in the Nashville/Franklin area where there is a lot of money floating around in the communities. They have great facilities and great staff. It feels like endless possibilities. Being cities known for music, there are often celebrities on the church worship teams. They are the best of the best, though I would put our worship leader up against anybody. He’s the best of the best.

And what about the churches that have been a pillar of the community for well over a century? Some children are in churches that their great-grandparents built. How is that for deep roots? The pattern of revivals, church camps, youth departments, vacation Bible schools, and mission trips is as old as time; and I was deeply blessed by them. It feels normal and predictable for those who grew up in it. And don’t we love predictable? Feeling a sense of knowing what to expect can give us a false sense of control, another thing that we love. But here’s the thing about comfortable, it can cause us to lose the awareness of our desperate need for and dependence on God. I recently read a statement form a Nigerian pastor who came to be a missionary to the United States. He said that our culture is so glutted financially and socially, we have no idea of our need for God. Ouch! Kevin has often asked if our church, Grace Fellowship, folded tomorrow, would the community notice? I pray so.

This brings me back to my church-envy. We can all look at that sentence and identify the deceit in it. What is it I actually envy? A prettier building, more people, more workers, staffed programs, newer furniture, fewer restraints that come with responsibility? I’m afraid my answer is “yes” to all of the above. And when I ask God to make His thoughts my thoughts and His ways my ways (Isaiah 55:8-9), here are some of the thoughts and ways He leads me to.

1. People managing is hard, whether it’s a church, ministry, work place, or book club. The gathering of personalities steeped in flesh and brokenness is a challenge at any level. Just look how hard family can be at times. God is so savvy in describing us as sheep that need a shepherd. We naturally turn to our own way and implode in selfishness if left to ourselves. God asks the body of Christ, His bride and church, to make community work. You can’t be selfless by yourself. You can’t exhibit the sacrificial heart of Christ alone. You must live in intimacy with others to have your own flesh revealed and to love as Christ loves. Why did we insist that our children show up at the meals around the table and not just eat in their rooms? Because there is a bigger picture going on than just nutrition and consuming calories. There is the importance of growing up in relating, listening, sharing, compromising, sacrificing, being grateful, and loving. You can only have unity together, not by yourself.
2. Everyone is hurting. Why? Because as followers of Jesus in a world at war, we are greatly opposed. Some pain is thrust upon us by others, some we bring on ourselves, and some is just from being here. The greatest among us has lived in pain, battling sin and the lies of the enemy. Physical pain will also be our story for much of our lives. Sickness and death are ours because we live under the curse. Of course, God can heal, and often does. And if He does, we will still die when it is our turn until Jesus returns and changes everything. Being in the presence of Jesus pales everything here, but suffering and death are deeply felt because we were made for forever. They oppose God’s original intent and design in us being made in the image of God. The consequences of sin are big, but God’s rescue through the blood of Christ is bigger. There is always a story going on behind the story that you see. Don’t let envy blind you to the needs and battles in everyone’s story. The smiling person may be crying themselves to sleep every night. It takes just as much grace to love the seemingly unbroken, beautiful people as it does to love the obviously broken with hard stories. As I’ve often said, satan doesn’t care what lie you believe, inferiority or arrogance, just as long as you don’t know or live in the truth of who you really are as a son and daughter of God.
3. As sons and daughters of God, we are all gifted differently. As brothers and sisters in Christ, the dreamers and the maintainers must work it out. The polished and the bare-boned must co-exist in love. And not to make life easier, but for the glory of God. We reflect the heart of Christ in true sacrificing and loving others more than ourselves when we give up what is comfortable and desirable for the benefit of someone else’s needs. Scripture in 1 Corinthians 12:22 tells us that the members of the body of Christ that seem to be weaker are necessary. Not optional, but necessary. Those who require more because of physical or mental challenges are necessary for a healthy body of Christ. Those that have been weakened and had the life beaten out of them because of sin are necessary in the church. Those that need more training and teaching because they missed it growing up need to be pulled up and discipled by the believers further down the road. The sinners need a Savior. When Jesus was criticized for fellowshipping with sinners, He said, “It’s not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” We can’t express the heart of Christ without loving who He loves. And because we can’t learn to love well without selflessness and sacrifice, it’s necessary to our growth and the glory of God that those people who require it are in our midst. Make sure that these necessary folks are part of our lives and worship.
4. Make sure we’re measuring with the with the correct scale. The physical look of a ministry or church and its people are not a correct measure. But the outpouring of genuine love and selflessness from a church to its people and community is a more accurate reading. Is there unity? Do they love and serve each other? Are they selfless toward their community? Do they smell of humility? Do all levels of the hierarchy of society feel comfortable there? Are the weaker ones that are necessary for the health of the church cherished there? We can’t approach church the way we might decide on a college. The first question shouldn’t be which one will meet my desires and needs best. We should always be asking God what story He wants us to join Him in. Churches, like people, have different personalities and missions. There should be no comparing. Isreal’s greatest sin was always looking over at the other nations and comparing. They soon wanted the nations’ gods, culture, kings, anything that looked better than relationship with a God that demanded complete allegiance and dependence on His provision for them. I roll my eyes at their stupidity and my heart hurts for their rejection of the one, true God. And then God draws my attention to the idolatry of my own heart that longs for pretty, easy, non-sacrificial worship. Guess what! It doesn’t exist. Sacrifice is the very heart of the Savior that now resides in us. True worship and true love can never exist without sacrifice. King David refused free land and animals to sacrifice to God in 2 Samuel 24. He said, “No, I insist on paying for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.” God loves costly worship. It doesn’t have to be flashy or bowl people over. It just has to be real.

I’m grateful that God expresses His character and love in so many beautiful ways through so many beautiful people. I’m privileged to be in service to our High King with several selfless, God-seeking, humble, and generous friends. We are on the journey of recognizing our own brokenness and dependence on God for all things. We’re learning as we go. And God is faithful. God promises to reward the seeking heart. We want to learn and then teach the words of Jesus to the man who was healed after being an invalid for 38 years in John 5: “Go and sin no more.” Live like a healed man. And if anybody asks where we keep our broken people, I can joyfully say that we all sit together on the front row, and the second row, and every other row. And the next time I sense church-envy or any envy, I want to call it what it really is: sin. God reminds us in Isaiah 41:10 to not anxiously look around us. He is our God. What more could we possibly want?